Dear Stan…Don’t Run Oprah

Dear Dems…
I love Oprah. Oprah is a gat dam walking miracle, a one-in-a-trillion human being. A fantastic orator. A special soul. Actually an underrated actor.

That being said, you aren’t going to want to hear this…

Oprah is also directly responsible for the ascent of more con men, fake doctors, fad diets, scam products and spiritual hippie bullshit than just about anyone on your TV.

Don’t run Oprah in 2020.

Y’all want Dr. Phil as Surgeon General? Dr. Oz as Secretary of State? You want Power Crystals as Chief of Staff?

The Republicans are currently setting up an economic crash that will devastate the (newly isolated) US just in time for the election of the next (inevitably Democrat) president. You’re gonna need a policy veteran with White House experience, a built-in rockstar cabinet, and yes, name recognition.

Run Michelle. Run Michelle with like…Paul Krugman or somebody as VP. If Michelle refuses to run, you kidnap Michelle, take a sample of her DNA, create a clone, raise that clone with love in a lab, send it to multiple Ivy League schools, and then you RUN THAT DAMN CLONE.

There’s too much at stake.

I’m joking, but I’m not joking.

Run that damn clone 2020 bumper stickers avail in my gift shop next to the pashminas and James Frey books

Built the grid so I could spend more time off of it.

Built the grid so I could spend more time off of it.