Former Candidate Donald Trump Walking Around New York Insulting Inanimate Objects.
Trump in New York: The Evil of Banality
So I wrote this last week as a farce. It was inspired by the New York Times’ running list of people, places, and things that Donald Trump regularly insults on social media. It was supposed to be a piece of satire reflecting the asinine nature of Donald Trump’s campaign of insults and illustrating how he might employ his vague, bigot-and-misogynist-pandering tactics against just about anything following his impending L. I was going to call it The Evil of Banality…it was going to be a portrait of a buffoon who would say anything to appeal to an audience once he’s zero’d in on what they want to hear.
But then Pussygate happened. And that joke isn’t funny anymore. Because it’s not about a doofus who says what white supremacists and male chauvinists want to hear because he doesn’t understand the consequences. It’s about a sex offender.
Anyway, without further ado: “Former Candidate Donald Trump Walking Around New York Insulting Inanimate Objects”…
The Statue of Liberty
She’s a big woman. She’s very big. Except these (makes breasts motion). It’s very unfortunate. You know, she could’ve looked better. A little boob work, bleach job, thin out that nose. Not as good as Ivanka, but she could’ve been sexy. But you know…you know her mouth makes her really ugly. She says “give me your poor”. Look, we don’t want your poor. I don’t like poor. I never did poor, okay. Everybody knows that. And you know what she means. She means give me your Mexicans. Give me your Muslims. Give me the blacks, who all live in hell, in Chicago, it’s really a shame. I’m gonna do the best job for the blacks. I am. We’ve really developed a good relationship in the last couple of days. I bought a black man…he’s the best black man, he really is. He’s a Doctor…imagine that…Ben Carson. Right before I bought fat Chris Christie. Talk about someone with good breasts. I’m gonna tell you something…I motorboated Chris Christie. sniff.
Some bird seed
After 9/11, when I was Jr. Senator from the State of New York…I was. The mainstream media will LIE and tell you it was Hillary Clinton but it was me. I saw many pigeons…eating bird seed…and celebrating. They were celebrating the attacks. Everyone saw them. Sean Hannity saw them. Fat Chris Christie was feeding them all this bird seed and he says he wasn’t but he’s a fat liar. And all this bird seed, you know where it came from? Obama. Obama created bird seed during his youth in Kenya where he was born a bird. sniff.
A traffic light
Look at you. Look at your ugly face. Sometimes you’re red, sometimes you’re green. You’re a real flip-flopper. “Oh I don’t know what I believe”. Loser. Many people are saying you’re a total failure. In your career you, working with black Obama, and vagina Hillary, have failed to stop MANY car accidents. There have been so many. It’s really a tragedy. You’re failing so hard. Weak. And many people, good American people are saying you CAUSED the car crashes. This is just what I’m hearing. Experts are saying, that your policies are directly responsible for several BIG car crashes. You stop, but you don’t frisk. And I’ll say it. There are people, you know who I’m talking about, who are bringing great crime to our country, and you helped create that, because you won’t profile, stop and frisk. “Oh no, I wouldn’t frisk that would insult people”. You know who would profile? You know who would frisk? Vladimir Putin would frisk. Putin’s the best traffic light. Strong traffic light. Law and order traffic light. I would frisk. I wouldn’t even ask. sniff.
Let me tell you. I’m gonna get rid of you. And when I do, it’s gonna be so great…it’s gonna be really really great. Believe me. You’re a fat loser. Who would sleep with you? not me, I’ll tell you that. I sleep with 10's. 10's or better. And there’s very little sleep, you know what I mean? I mean sometimes they’re asleep, but I’m wide awake okay? You spent so much SWEET American taxpayer money on the climate change hoax. And it’s gonna come out. There are receipts, I didn’t want to mention them, because Chelsea is in the room, but they exist. And the American people. The forgotten, white, American people are going to be so happy to see you go. They’re going to parade in the streets, let me tell you. A real expert, a really well known guy told me that your birth certificate is an obvious fraud. You’re not even from here, am I right? Everyone agrees I’m right. And you’re so old. Hundreds of years old. Hundreds of years of, you know, with the…they say…free oxygen. Free oxygen to illegals, criminals, ISIS. Leaves falling off of your…wherever…tree hormones…you just don’t have a presidential look. And I am so, so very high on Coca Cola and Adderall right now. Mexico. sniff. China. sniff.
Have you noticed you’re not wearing a flag today? Well there MAY be ONE flag, but it’s so small, it’s really very small. When you founded ISIS, and it’s fact, many people, real Americans agree with me… they should’ve thrown you in jail. “Lock her up”, they say! Real Americans say that. And the second amendment people, well, they know where you are, let me just tell you that. Maybe they pay you a visit. You’re sending mail to China…it’s going to China and it’s not coming back, I’m sorry to tell you folks. It’s leaving Detroit, and Pittsburgh, and it’s not coming back. I am the best at sending things to China, so I know. Oh you didn’t know that? It’s a fact. You can look it up…several…there are places…you know people…people have this information. The CHINA CONNECTION, they call it. sniff.
A fire hydrant
you do so little work, you know. you’re short and you take up so much space where American cars COULD BE PARKING. Everybody knows it. Everyone agrees with me. Just terrible. Terrible. Sad. And I’m not afraid to say this: white fire hydrants…AMERICAN fire hydrants (I’m assuming you weren’t made here) do a much better job than you. They do a much better job and they are good, salt of the Earth fire hydrants, and not CRIMINAL, probably involved in…you know….like they say…like CREDIBLE sources say…I’m gonna build a wall around you. And the fire department’s gonna pay for it. And it’s gonna be the greatest wall. Better than China. It’s gonna be so great. No one will ever be able to get to you again. sniff.